Irish Jokes

At the end of his sermon Father O'Briain turned to his listeners and said: "Now, let me ask you. Which of you thinks truly he is bound for Paradise? Would you please stand?"
He was pleased to note that nearly all of his parishioners stood up.
"That's good," he exclaimed. "But now, let me ask you. Which of you thinks he is bound for Hell? Would you stand?"
After a few seconds, Jock Burke slowly got to his feet, and remained standing as the priest eyed him with sadness.
Afterwards, as the worshippers filed out, Father O'Briain pulled Jock aside and asked him, "Now, Jock, what is it that makes you fear you're bound for Hell?"
To which he responded, "O, Father, I have no fear for my own outcome, but I did feel sorry for you standing up there all by yourself."


Pat went into the jewelry store, pulled out his pocket watch and told the clerk it wasn't working. The clerk unscrewed the back and opened it up and a little cockroach fell out. Pat exclaimed, "no wonder it didn't work, the engineer is dead!"


Murphy, O'Brien & Casey sitting in a bar discussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes.
Casey says, "I would like them to say 'He was a wonderful family man- he always supported his wife and kids, and they never wanted for anything'".
O' Brien says, "That's lovely Casey. But I would like to hear them say, 'He was a great man in the community - he undertook a lot of projects to make his community a better place.'" Murphy says, "That's very nice, O'Brien. But I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!


I was asked, rather anxiously, what Irish people did about Irish jokes?
"Tell them about Kerrymen" sez I.
"But what do the Kerry people do about them?", I was asked.
"Put them in books and sell them to Englishmen", sez I!