• Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
• Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.
• Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
• Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
• Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
• Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
• Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
• Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
• Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
• Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
• Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
• Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
• Prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
• Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
• Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
• Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
• Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
• Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
• Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
• Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
• Verbal: Able to whine in words
• Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
• Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

Things Mom Would Never Say

• "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
• "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
• "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
• "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
• "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
• "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
• "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
• "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
• "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"